I have lots of really good advice..really I do. If only I had known some of this earlier in my life…who am I kidding? I know it now and still fail.
I am very excited to celebrate with couples I know as they begin the adventure of marriage together. I put together a few thoughts on the subject in hopes that they might be able to glean from my mistakes and maybe avoid some of the heartache of learning to live together and instead, enjoy the beauty that God designed marriage to be.
In Genesis 2:24 the bible says: …a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. And in Deuteronomy 22:19 …she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.
While it is true I have been married a “few” times (HA!) (no one’s perfect) you cant say I don’t know anything on the subject…it’s just that I learn a lot of my lessons the hard..and more adventurous way. When I got divorced in 1997 I thought that there was no way I would ever be able to survive financially. Emotionally, I bounced back and forth from relieved to anxious. We had been making each other miserable for a long time because we fell into a habit of paying each other back for disappointments in our relationship. He would spend all day Saturday goofing off without calling me so I would go out to the movies without calling him..or I would spend $50 on shoes we probably couldn’t afford so he would spend $75 on something dumb he didn’t need…and so the story goes for various things in our lives till we had completely destroyed the love between us.
Save yourselves the heartache, be considerate to each other, call when you will be late, forgive faults without trying to get even and listen to each other talk about the little boring things that happen in your lives right along with the big exciting things or major catastrophes. I’ve learned that most of the time we all just want to know someone is listening.
You don’t have to solve all of life’s problems just because someone says them out loud. As women we don’t always don’t need anyone to solve our problems, we just need to get it out of our system and know that someone we trust knows were struggling while we work it out on our own.
God can move mountains and he certainly could have fixed our marriage, but I wasn’t exactly letting God hold the reigns like I should have and my ex couldn’t care less about God at the time so we pretty much marched out into a field of marital landmines from the very beginning. I’m not saying it still couldn’t have worked..IT DEFINITELY COULD HAVE..in fact, I think I am the one responsible for letting go and for giving up. I often wonder what kind of life we would have had if I had fought for our love?
At the time, I did not want a divorce, I had not considered it as an option to end my marriage and there was no part of me that believed divorce was something God wanted for my life but I was frustrated and hurt and exhausted and I had this unrealistic idea of what marriage was supposed to be and the way we were living wasn’t it.
I had a weird balance of trying to be morally upright and Godly and trying to be self-indulgent. By the time 1997 came around it was no longer up to me, my ex had cheated on me and his own burden of guilt shamed him into leaving without a plan to ever come back. That was a long time ago and to this day he still tells the story of the immense guilt he felt over the way things ended between us. It wasn’t a messy split..it was just really sad and heartbreaking for both of us. There were many tears and days of deep sadness and the feeling of hopeless loss. Once again, save yourselves the heartache and years of regret, just set your course for forever and keep going. Your marriage is a commitment..if I had truly committed to him back then and we had toughed it out I know we could have had a beautiful life together..sometimes you just have to choose to hold on. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life now, my husband and I have been together since 2003 and while life has had challenges, we’ve managed to steer the ship to safe waters each time the storms came.
After this, I was forced to look at the things that encircled the turmoil that surrounded the events that led to divorce and make notes about where we failed so that I could learn from my mistakes and this is some of what I have learned along the way: (When things go crazy for you, I hope you will be able to think back on my mistakes and avoid heartache)
My grandmother once told me that there would be times when I dearly loved my husband and times when I simply did not and the secret to a long and happy marriage was to wait out the times that I did not. As it turns out, she was right. No matter how much in love you are right now there will be some days when you simply cannot imagine how in the world your life turned out this way. After having been divorced from my first husband I was determined to wait out the tough times. I had firmly planted my feet and was not going to leave, but looking back, I have learned that it takes more than a will to stay. Defiant presence is not the kind of staying statement marriage needs…what we all really need is a humble heart and a willingness to forgive and extend grace to each other. It takes a desire to be kind in the face of adversity. It takes wisdom to know when to smile and let some things go and the wisdom of knowing when and how to ask for a recount. Sometimes you need to just shut up and smile and sometimes you need to just accept responsibility for something that went wrong and say I’m sorry….sometimes you have to do that even when it’s not actually your fault. Humility is a hard lesson to learn, but that’s what it takes to live happily ever after and the most important thing I learned is that it is impossible to think that God will bring us to new horizons if we don’t let him steer the ship.
Go to church. Do not fall into the habit of skipping out. It may seem like it’s not important because you know in your heart that you have a good relationship with God but going to church is to the soul like good nutrition is for your body…you could live on potato chips and honeybuns but you will be much healthier with a balanced diet. Furthermore, you could skip a meal here and there and still be perfectly okay but if you skip many meals you’ll pass out and the more you skip the sicker you get. Don’t let that be your relationship with God. Treat Jesus like He is a friend. How do we treat our friends? We hang out with them. We hang out with other people who know Him. We read His correspondence and letters (The Bible) and we talk to Him (in prayer). The better the relationship you have with God the better the relationship you will have with each other. Go together but if one of you (or both) enters a season where you just don’t want to go, go alone..be patient…don’t be a nag. Pray for each other.
Before I get too deep into this I want to say that I know what you will be thinking when you read this and although it is true that my track record for “happily ever after” marriages proves something, I would like to argue the point that it proves that I don’t know anything on the subject. I think my failure proves just the opposite. I think my mistakes could help you as you begin your journey into wedded bliss.
Put your life in proper order:
(I didn’t make this up, God did)
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Kids
4. Work
5. Everything Else
Some simple Rules to Guide You:
Never be angry at the same time. It is much more difficult to have a one sided argument, use that your mutual advantage.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire…maybe not even then.
If one of you has to win the argument, let it be the other one.
Never, ever bring up mistakes of the past. Once the friction has ended, let it be truly gone.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other. Simple acts of kindness can last an eternity.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. The last thing you think of at night manifests itself in your dreams and your mind will play it over and over in your sleep. You might think you have forgotten it when you wake up but your mind is still stewing…trust me it will erupt somewhere, sometime..might as well nip it early.
At least once a day say something kind or complimentary to your partner. “You are beautiful” will go a long way when she calls you at noon to tell you that the lights have been shut off because you forgot to drop the bill in the mail last week…that goes both ways, remind him that he is awesome so that when the girl at his work tells him he is awesome you won’t be the wife who never says so.
It’s not a bad idea to keep a little reminder in the back of your mind that you never want to put your spouse in a position where someone else treats them better than you do. I’ve known people who were deeply spiritual end up divorced because they took it for granted that they could treat their spouse any kind of way and they would always be there. You are getting married forever but don’t mistake that to mean that you get to quit romancing each other just because you are bound by law and commitment.
Before things start falling apart, pray about it. Did I say this already? Cant say it enough…even if its hurried words shot up to God on the way out the door..do not fail to pray for God’s peace and grace in your marriage. Sometimes a prayer is as simple as “God Help Me” or “God reveal yourself to me”.. I know that in my current marriage we take turns lifting up the troubles and concerns of our lives for God to handle. I can honestly say it is the ONE THING I can be assured has kept us together.
If all else fails, kiss for 5 minutes. For some dumb reason kissing puts things in perspective. That is actual advice from a psychologist.
Now this one sounds silly but you’d be surprised how many times I’ve heard it come up. Do not use the bathroom in front of each other with the door open. There, I said it. No spouse needs that image in their mind when they are thinking of someone in a romantic way. Close the door. You don’t have to share EVERYTHING. While we’re at it don’t start letting burps and gas be so casual that they become rude or annoying…sometimes it happens but don’t make a show of it. I knew someone once who said this: “On our honeymoon, we woke up that first morning and I rolled over and he smiled at me and I felt so in love and then he ripped a big one, fanned the covers and said: “It’s going to be a golden day”. “Instantly, I felt deflated.”
Do not fall into the habit of leaving the bathroom door open while you go. I am shocked at how many of my friends sit on the toilet in front of the person they are sleeping with. Is that really the image you want your spouse to have next time you wink at them? Fight the urge, shut the door. It’s not about being comfortable in front of each other, it’s about maintaining an ever present sense of adoration and it’s hard to adore someone with the image of them on the toilet with their pants around their ankles. Nuf said.
Now, that being said, we should have no problems living perfectly blissful lives together…except that the rules of Murphy’s Law also apply to marriage. Once, during an especially crappy week of love in never never land a counselor friend suggested that for the solid week following our visit with him we should begin everything we say to each other with “Honey Muffin” and end it with “Sugar Pie”…even when we were fighting! Now, this sounds (and feels) absurd, I know, and it will most certainly gross out anyone within ear shot…but it is nearly impossible to go through a whole evening of “Honey Muffins” and “Sugar Pie’s” without smiling and laughing….once you begin to relax enough to smile it is much easier to talk out the things that weigh your relationship down and pray over them so they do not become an anchor to your marriage. Scientifically people are more apt to reach common grounds when they begin the compromise on the same side of the firing line. Even when you disagree, remember, you are not enemies; you are on the same team. You are in love, you have made the choice to stick it out through thick and thin…and there WILL BE thick AND thin.
The number one argument time and time again for couples is about money…if it seems that you are having money problems stop what you are doing, devise a budget, allow for unexpected expenses and then actually live by the budget. In the grand scheme of things in 10 years we will look back and we won’t remember as much about how broke we were as we will remember how well we were able to stand by each other during what could have been tough times. I remember being really broke at one point when I was about 23 and we ate potatoes every day for a week (a 5 lb bag of potatoes was 99 cents) …potatoes and eggs and baked potatoes and potatoes and beans and potatoes of every kind depending on the stuff still lingering in the pantry at the time. Sure, we could have called our parents and asked for money, but the idea of growing up is to be independent and not run to the nearest life raft every time a little wave comes up. Don’t put yourself through this, potatoes are not THAT good. You don’t have to beg, borrow or steal to make ends meet when the things you want outweigh the money you have.
Don’t overspend when you don’t have it and don’t overspend when you do. Tally up your income and try to live off of 60% of it… then, contribute to Gods work whatever you feel is right for you and at least 20% will go to unexpected expenses and the other should be put away for savings (at least 10%) There will be times when you can do this and times when you cant..the point is to make it a goal and live as if it is possible. While you are at it be FAIR…sometimes it’s okay if one of you wants to splurge on something selfish and expensive every now and then, don’t feel like you have to run out and spend just as much right away so you are even, your turn will come when you want or need something. Allow these occasional indulgences, they make life happy.
It’s nice when a couple is so in love that they spend every waking hour together and that’s great if you are that couple but also allow room in your lives to be individuals. Let him hang with his friends sometimes, let her go for a girls weekend sometimes..just don’t make it something that takes precedence over your time together.
Practice good etiquette. Write thank you notes for the big stuff but also make a little note for the occasional thing that just made your day. Be the people who make others feel good about doing nice things for you. Good etiquette seems to be a lost art and most people seem to think it’s not necessary but trust me…it does make a difference.
The number two thing that people fight about: Kids! Since I don’t have kids of my own I think I should just shut up except to say that your spouse comes first and your kids second. You will fight about child rearing 95% less if you stay together than if you separate. I think we all know how devastating divorce can be on the kids. My own step kids will tell you the suffering they endured through their parent’s divorce was brutal. Don’t do that to your kids, God can fix ANYTHING in your marriage if you will trust Him to help you through it. When you choose to divorce you are essentially telling God you don’t trust him with the big problems in your life. God can fix ANYTHING.
Love and Marriage are beautiful and sunny and wonderful..but every now and then because of work stuff or the phase of the moon or whatever other ant bites are in your life; things feel like crap. My Grandma once said that in a marriage there will be times when no matter how hard you try you just wont like the person you are married to. She was right! There will be times when you doubt that you were ever even in love in the first place. There will be times when you just want out. There will be times when you feel deeply, madly, passionately in love. The key to a successful marriage is to wait. Wait till you’ve had time to pray about it. Wait till the heat dies down, wait till you can view every situation from a different light, wait till he turns into a frog or till she turns into a princess…just wait. Acting out in a hurry is never good. Given enough time things will turn back into the wonderful world of love and bliss you dream of. Once you say the words “I want out” they will forever hang in the air that surrounds you, do not say it and you will never have to wonder if it’s really a possibility that you should consider. It is not! Commit to be in love forever and you will. It is that simple.
Have you seen that tv show where they follow around young newlyweds whose marriages were arranged? Those people make a commitment sight unseen..its great that we have the freedom to choose our own spouse but at the end of the day it has as much to do with commitment as it does with the emotion of love. Choose love, choose each other…everyday.
Remember, marriage joins two into one. Once you say I do, you become each other’s family there is no longer his “this” and her “that”. There is no place in a marriage for the kind of separation that divides you. Love is to be multiplied. It’s about communication, respect and compromise. You now formed your own family and with the passing of time and the addition of kids and later grandkids you will one day look across a room full of people and know just how blessed you really are and each person in the room will know that it all began when 2 people fell in love, you should live your lives so that every day together feels like a room full of love.
Most importantly and as simply as I can put it: Don’t Cheat! …EVER!…not even a little bit…don’t even think it, don’t dream it, don’t flirt, don’t even glance in it’s direction. Do not ever do anything that will make it look like you thought about it. Satan is out to get you and he looks for our weakest link and then he needles at it until it pops. If you make even the slightest inclination in the wrong direction Satan will twist it into something ugly and before you know it there is unsubstantiated doubt between you and then when something real happens it will look like it was there all along even though it wasn’t. Don’t give Satan an inch, run, don’t walk away from anything that is not 100% pure and wholesome. Its easy when you are newlyweds but one day the new will wear off, your guard will be down and temptation will present itself…RUN AWAY from anything that is even a tiny bit questionable.
This is the one devastating element in a marriage that can unravel more loose ends than it would take a lifetime to weave back together. Furthermore, don’t ever give your spouse reason to wonder if you have or if you will cheat. Make your life a holy example of marriage and God will bless your relationship. Our soul doesn’t reside in some cavity in our chests; it is woven throughout our flesh. Because of this unity, when our spirit joins in prayer with another’s, an emotional bond is formed. In the same way, our lips cannot do something without it affecting our soul. Our speech and our kisses are closely tied to our hearts and our hearts are closely tied to our soul and the spirit within us. Be cautious to speak kindly to your spouse and avoid over-reacting in times of disagreement. Be consistent in your love and not wavering so that your spouse is often left wondering if you love them.
Never let your spouse leave the house without knowing they are deeply loved and respected by you.
My friend told me the sweetest thing her husband does for her is that he kisses her shoulder while she sleeps as he slips away for work in the mornings. Find those little ways to make your spouse feel loved and then build on them.
Don’t stop dating. Don’t stop planning sweet surprises for each other. Trust me, once you start taking the easy route you’ll find yourself on a path of destruction.
Be appreciative. Appreciation for how hard you both work, appreciation for the time and effort that is put into your relationship, appreciation for the work put into your home and the yard.
Don’t be a complainer, a nag or the person who harasses your spouse to mow the yard, take out the trash, pick up your clothes…and don’t be the person who gives their spouse a reason to nag, complain or harass.
It is okay to recharge. Don’t deny each other time with your friends apart from each other but don’t use that time to talk bad about your spouse. In fact, brag about them..being careful to never talk to your friends about your sex life. You never want your friends to envy your sex life so much that they are imagining sex with your spouse. I learned this lesson one night many years ago at three AM when my ex’s best friend stood drunk on my front lawn telling me he could be a better husband and they he would never cheat on me and that he was everything I could ever need (he actually shouted this from the front yard and even woke the neighbors). IT WAS AWFUL AND PATHETIC…but the truth is, he knew too much about our marriage. I’m just thankful he didn’t try any of that nonsense while we were still married. I had to call my ex to come get him to leave. Now, having said that, don’t spend more time with your friends than you do with your spouse. Find a happy balance and don’t abuse the privilege. Your friends don’t need all the details of your bliss or your fights…and your friends will harbor ill feelings about your spouse long after you have forgotten whatever it was you were complaining about…and they will remember the sweet little things you say you do for each other when they are feeling weak.
No matter how obvious the situation is to you, if you don’t just tell him or her in as few words as possible there is a good chance they simply will not know what you are feeling OR thinking.
Don’t make him try to figure it out. Marriage is not a game. Just tell him flat out. Don’t use as many words as I have here, men are like cat’s and they lose their attention quickly when it comes to girly stuff. If you ever watch romantic comedy movies you’ll see that almost every problem is because someone misunderstood the situation. Don’t expect your spouse to just figure out what you are thinking or feeling and DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS…and if it is really, really important to you, write it out. Sometimes when we write stuff out it helps us clarify what we are trying to say and we are able to get all of our thoughts out without being interrupted which causes us to forget what we wanted to say. When my sister and her husband were newly married he was involved in a lot of sports and had joined a lot of leagues and my sister was feeling a little neglected at home with little babies and she wrote him a letter to express her feelings…I really feel like any other attempt she had made would not have truly conveyed to him the depth of her emotion or the magnitude of his omission…but it was effective and he quit a few of his teams and it was the events of those early years that made their marriage stronger and their love greater and deeper.
Do not pounce on each other as soon as you walk in the door. People need a minute to acclimate, take their shoes off and let the weight of the work day fall away before they dive into the noise and hassle of dinner or chores or whatever. You know, wait 5 minutes then pounce. Unless you are naked…apparently if you are naked men don’t care when you pounce. …but if you have clothes on…chill before you start rattling off the 10,000 things that you want to accomplish together in the next three days or the 40 things that went wrong at work that day.
Pray for each other and WITH each other. Trust me, if you get nothing else from all this jibberish…remember this one thing. PRAY TOGETHER…I know I already said this..but its super important. Just hold hands and take turns saying whatever the spirit leads you to say in prayer..pray with each other and for each other. Sometimes you wont feel like it, my husband often just stands there while I pray but it is important to me so he participates with me even when his heart isn’t in it.
When you are clearly wrong, apologize. Quickly & Sincerely. Nuf said.
Nobody is perfect. Practice grace and forgiveness in all you do.
Don’t answer for him/her. If someone asks you if he/she can do something, say, “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him. Don’t commit him or her to do things…always ask first. If you are at a party and someone asks your spouse a question, let them answer for themselves…it just polite. Even if the question is mundane like “What bloodtype are you?” Let them answer for themselves. It is respectful. If you are always answering all the questions eventually your spouse will feel like background noise or worse..unnecessary.
Don’t be a slob. Chaos breeds discord. Make the effort to keep up with the laundry and dishes and the lawn and all that stuff. There are no jobs for men or women…if it belongs to both of you it is a job for both of you. Divide the work load and conquer..dont fall into the trap of letting one of you carry the burden of being the one who always picks up…and for heavens sake clean up before company comes over. Your home is a reflection of you and your love & respect for each other.
Never underestimate the power of an impromptu slow dance in the kitchen, the parking lot or even the grocery store. Sometimes love bubbles up, roll with it. Once, while on a cruise, we were all called to the muster station and they made us wait there extra long and my husband turned to me and asked if he could have this dance. Right there in front of everyone we slow danced to the sound of the waves and people murmuring and a few other couples joined in. It was a perfect moment…try to find all the hidden perfect moments that life has to offer.
He is not your dad. She is not your mother. Balance your own stupid bank account and wash you own underwear. Your spouse is not supposed to be your fall back for things you don’t want to do.
Never, ever stop holding hands.
Never ever stop trying to be attractive.
Never yell. Just don’t do it…and don’t call names either.
Don’t be stingy.
Cave in sometimes.
Learn how to give an effective apology. State the thing that you are sorry for and how you know it hurt the other person and how you plan to keep from doing it again. A simple statement of apology containing only “I’m sorry” is not enough. If you run over someone with your car and you lean out the window and shout “I’m sorry” as you go on your merry way; the crushed person is still laying in the street bleeding. Go the extra mile…get out of the car and make things right with more than a shouted “I’m sorry”. When I got divorced the hurt never really healed till my ex called, a year later, and through tears gave me an apology for sleeping with his brother’s girlfriend and told me about how he knew it had hurt me and even how it had hurt him. Sometimes when people say they are sorry it simply doesn’t feel like it..make your apology meaningful so the hurt doesn’t snowball for a whole freakin year.
Do not embarrass each other. Come up with a signal if you have to but never put your spouse in a position where they feel uncomfortable. You are supposed to be in their corner..the two of you against the world. You are married now so you are a force more powerful together than apart.
Tiny little compromises to deceive are often the first snowball in a devastating avalanche. This is one of those things you simply can’t understand unless you mess it up and are found having to clean up the chaos of your failure. It is far better to just do what God says in the first place than to have to try to figure out how to patch up the pieces after they have scattered all over the place. Nothing can replace the intelligence we gain from experience except the wisdom of knowing how much better off we would be if we could simply learn from the mistakes of others.
When arguing, if all else fails and your too stubborn to pray together …kiss. It’s kinda hard to be mad at someone who is kissing you!…then pray….because there is no force on earth more powerful than when a believer is on their knees. (Psalm 34:15-18 and Matthew 6:9-13 and Matthew 21:22 and Matthew 7:7-8 and Mark 11:24-25 and John 14:13-14 and John15:7 and James 5:13, 16 and 1 Thessalonians 5:17 and Ephesians 6:18 and Philippians 4:6 and Psalm 66:18 and Proverbs 15:8)
There is not one single hurdle that you can’t overcome…as long as you overcome it together. Forgiveness will need to become part of your everyday lives. We are never as thoughtless to the world as we are to the people closest to us so it is important to remember that resentment and bitterness have no place in your marriage.
Romans 12:17 Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right…
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
James 3:11-18 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
Families who pray together stay together. A study was done on a group of people who married and were divorced. Of those studied 50% of all marriages ended in divorce. Of those studied, those persons claiming to be spiritual and religious 50% still ended in divorce. BUT of those studied, those who prayed together…only 4% ended in divorce. Kinda speaks for itself. Pray together. Stay together. It is that simple.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Our God delights in writing quirky love stories using everyday materials – his own Son was not a king but a carpenter, the Son’s mother; a poor Jewish girl. Satan will try every tactic in the world to get you to believe you’ve made a mistake at some point or another. Do not fall prey to this attack. Try to always recognize when Satan is trying to drive you apart and never let him win. Pray your way through it.
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Before I married Mark I thought that married life would be easier because I met him in church, we were older and wiser, and because we were both Christians, but as it turns out, the opposite is true. Satan doesn’t need to bother people who ignore God, Satan only feels compelled to harass those who have influence, potential or merit for the God Team. Put on the full armor of God; protect yourselves. (Ephesians 6) There will be warfare and there will be battles, no doubt about that…but our God is a great big God and He can move mountains. (Matthew 17:20) God will never bring you to anything that He doesn’t have a plan to bring you through so don’t be discouraged, friction often means you are on the right track.
Don’t gauge your future by what happens in the movies. Quite a bit of love is quiet companionship and deep friendship. The movies are not real; real life is hard, real life is not Hollywood…we all want the fantasy and the best way to find the right person and live happily ever after is to BE the right person and live happily ever after.
Before time began, God knew you. Before your grandparents ever even met God looked across the world and planned a way for both of you to grow up to become who you are today and even the path that led you to each other. Your union is not by happenstance or mistake, it is a blessing and a gift.
I know I wrote a lot of advice above about the scary pitfalls of marriage but the truth is you don’t have to educate people about how to stay together when life is perfect..we already know how to do that. I hope that all of your days are perfect and beautiful but just in case a bad one sneaks its way into your lives you’ll know all you have to do is refer to the one who holds all the power and you’ll be able to navigate your way to prayer so Jesus can make it all better.
Philippians 4:8 -9 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
Love God and Each other and Be Happy